momlife, Motherhood, Parenting

The secret is; there is no secret.

When it comes to parenting & being a mom, there isn’t a secret method that works for everyone.

You’ll hear someone say ‘my baby sleeps through the night’, they normally won’t tell you about the countless nights that they in fact did not sleep through the night.

You’ll hear how they ‘successfully breastfed for a year’, they won’t tell you about their clogged ducts or mastitis.

You’ll hear how ‘helpful their partner is with the kids’, they won’t tell you that it’s hard not to micromanage their help or how many arguments it took them to get on the same page.

You walk into motherhood with a lot of questions and preconceived notions about what parenting is like.

You hear all the ways people parent. The books they read, the groups they are in.

You could pick up that same book, read it, and apply it to your child the same way Susan next door did and have completely different results.

I truly believe that the only way to figure out what works for you and your family is to do what feels right in your heart.

I’m not saying don’t read the books and try to apply them. I’m saying don’t be surprised if the Ferber method doesn’t work for you. Don’t be surprised if you hate breastfeeding even if your baby latches perfectly. Don’t be surprised if you spouse doesn’t parent the exact same way as you. Don’t be surprised if what everyone you know does, doesn’t work for you.

When I was pregnant, I vowed not to cosleep. It was “unsafe”, I would never be able to give up my space and my comfort like that. I’m going to tell you….I was wrong. So wrong. Yes, it can be unsafe if you don’t it do it correctly. Sometimes it is uncomfortable, but it is what works best for us. I can’t imagine doing it any differently now. This is what feels right in my heart. I didn’t know this was how I would feel before my son was born. Everything I read said not to do this.

You see, I could have read every book on sleep methods and tried them and wound up here. I could be asking myself “why won’t he sleep on his own?”. Wondering why Susan’s baby slept in his crib since day one? Wondering what I am doing wrong? Wondering what secret I am missing?

I let go of the ‘secret’ searching early in my motherhood journey. When I realized the things that I was doing were the things I said I would never do and they were working for my family, I knew I found our ‘secret’.

There’s no ‘secret’ parenting methods that will be guaranteed to work for you and your children. The only ‘secret’ to remember is that deep in your heart you will always know what is right for your family. Trust yourself.

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